


"You are hurt"

by sugarandspace



Series: 3B fics [16]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: (show typical), Break Up, Good Parabatai Jace Wayland, Heavy Angst, Injury, M/M, Parabatai Feels, Post-Episode: s03e18 The Beast Within, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-21
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2020-01-23 09:09:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18546703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugarandspace/pseuds/sugarandspace
Summary: The feeling of pain hits Jace like a wave. He’s felt the odd pressure in the back of his mind for the majority of the day, but he’s been too occupied with other things to pay too much attention to it.This time, it’s impossible to ignore.He needs to get to Alec.





	"You are hurt"

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this before the sneak peek about Jace and Alec got posted so we're going to pretend that it doesn't happen.

The feeling of pain hits Jace like a wave - strong enough to make you lose your footing and pull you under. He’s felt the odd pressure in the back of his mind for the majority of the day, but he’s been too occupied with other things to pay too much attention to it.

This time, it’s impossible to ignore.

He stumbles in his steps and has to grip the end of a table to keep himself upright. The pain makes him gasp, and he fights to push it to the back of his mind, where it’s not consuming him and making him immobile.

He needs to get to Alec.

After a while of breathing deeply and getting used to the feeling, it’s no longer on the forefront of Jace’s mind, even though he knows that it’s still the case for his parabatai. Jace is able to straighten himself, and he starts running towards Alec’s office. He needs something that will help him track Alec.

There’s a jacket draped over the back of Alec’s chair, and Jace uses it to get the location of his brother. It’s not too far, and Jace starts running.

He finds Alec fighting demons.

They might have gotten rid of the Drevak demons, but it is Halloween, and the demon activity is bound to be busy.

Alec has his back to Jace, and in front of him there are three large Ravener demons. Alec shoots an arrow through one, making the demon disappear with a loud scream and a puff of smoke. The remaining two demons get closer, and fear strikes Jace when Alec doesn’t do anything.

He’s just about to step in and help Alec when Alec puts his bow away, pulling out his blade instead and cutting the closest demon’s neck, before plunging the blade into the other one’s stomach.

Alec must have heard his steps because the next moment he’s turning around, pressing the blade to Jace’s neck.

“Woah, buddy it’s just me,” Jace says, instinctively lifting his hands up in surrender. Alec surprised him, but what catches Jace off guard the most are the tear tracks on his parabatai’s cheeks. He lowers his hands and takes a hold of the one where Alec is still holding the blade, surprised when his fingers find blood.

Alec lowers the blade, looking down and turning away. “You can go, Jace.”

“Yeah, as if,” Jace says. It’s obvious that Alec isn’t okay, and there is no way he’s leaving him alone right now - no matter if Alec likes it or not. “You are hurt.”

“I am fine,” Alec argues but doesn’t look at Jace. He walks further down the alley and picks up an arrow from the ground, placing it back into the quiver on his back. Jace gets another look at the bloody hand, and he realises where the cuts are from.

The second sign that maybe the pain Jace felt earlier - Alec’s pain - is not only physical. The first hint was the tears.

Alec rarely cried. The constant reminders of not showing weakness, as well as his inability and his reluctance to show vulnerability ensuring that such act was something Alec didn’t allow himself. Jace could probably count with one hand how many times he’d seen his brother cry, and still have fingers that were left unused.

Those cuts however? He’d seen them too many times to be able to count.

“Alec look at me,” Jace pleads, stepping forward. “I can feel that something is wrong - really wrong. You don’t need to deal with these things on your own. You can talk to me. Or would you prefer if I called Magnus?”

The warlock had been a positive influence in Alec’s life, and there was a real possibility that Alec would feel more comfortable with opening up to his boyfriend.

But it seemed like it was a wrong thing to suggest when the response Jace gets is a barely muffled whimper.

“Alec, what’s wrong?” Jace asks, placing his hand on Alec’s shoulder and turning his brother around, so they were facing each other. Alec was biting his lips, his eyes cast down and his arms wrapped around his own tall frame.

“Is Magnus okay?” Jace asks, worried about his brother’s boyfriend. Alec had mentioned earlier that Magnus isn’t feeling good, and maybe that was the reason Alec was so distraught.

“He will be fine,” Alec answers, shutting his eyes tightly. Jace can feel him trembling with all the emotion he’s trying to contain.

“Then what’s wrong?” Jace asks.

Suddenly the words Alec said earlier cross his mind.

_“What if you could help, but as a consequence you could never see her again.”_

“Alec, what did you do?” Jace asks, his tone now more frantic. Alec couldn’t have done what Jace thought he had.

“What had to be done,” Alec replies, his words surprisingly sure as he takes in a deep breath and straightens his posture. Jace knows that Alec truly believes so.

Alec might look like he’s steeled himself, but Jace can still feel the trembling, and he can feel the echo of the despair his brother is feeling. At first Jace had feared that Alec had been hurt, injured in a fight. But it’s starting to be clear that his minor injuries play close to no part to his state.

This pain cuts deeper, takes what is good and replaces it with loss.

Jace knows this pain.

“You broke up with Magnus,” Jace says, watching as Alec reacts to the words like they physically hurt him. “How does that fix anything?”

Jace is trying to be understanding, he knows how much Alec loves Magnus, there must have been a real reason for Alec to go through with this.

“Asmodeus offered me a deal,” Alec says, the tone of his voice tight as he’s trying not to cry. He’s still not looking Jace in the eyes, his eyes darting everywhere else as if looking for an escape. Jace keeps his hand on Alec’s shoulder to anchor him. “He would give Magnus his powers back if I broke up with him.”

“And Magnus was okay with this deal?” Jace asks, his tone careful. He doesn’t want to believe that, and he doesn’t want to hurt Alec deeper if it really is the truth.

“He couldn’t know,” Alec breathes, and somehow, Jace thinks, that’s worse.  

This wasn’t a mutual choice, it was something Alec had to decide on his own. A hard decision but one Jace knew Alec would have always decided like this. He knows Alec, and knows that he would do anything for Magnus, even sacrifice his own happiness.

“Alec,” Jace breathes out, at a loss for what to say. He steps closer and wraps Alec into his arms, his heart breaking as Alec leans his weight on him and lets go.

Because it feels like it’s all Jace can do in that moment- to hold his parabatai while he’s breaking - and to wish that they will be able to fix this. 

It's what Alec and Magnus deserve. 


End file.
